The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
