Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
