things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
