I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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