So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
