I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
