Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
