I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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