I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
