i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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