I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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