worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
