Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
