upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
