Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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