Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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