We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
