I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
