At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
