he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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