guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
