Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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