If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
