Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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