im having a threesome with these popsicles
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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