My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
