i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When did angry sex become our thing?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
