please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My dick has a subreddit
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
