Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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