we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
