That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
