you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
