there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
