I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
