she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
