Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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