you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
this is an emotional support booty call
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
