I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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