You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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