i think my tv is drunk
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
