Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
