it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
