Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
