no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
