I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize