You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
