I hate all girls vehemently.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
