Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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