I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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