...so i touched it.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Omg I joined a choir last night...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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