I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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