my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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