I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
They are going to name an STD after you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
