Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
