She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
