so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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