No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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