Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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