my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
