Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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