He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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