Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
