don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
