JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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