Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
