I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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