you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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