We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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