I'm jealous of your bromance
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He felt like a one man threesome
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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