i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
