EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize