I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize