He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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