Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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