Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
