Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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