So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
