hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
